HEAD CHEF

Surly Jefferson

Arrrrrren't you glad you made a reservation at Goulden Girls Cafe? Well, you shouldn't be. We don't take reservations and we don't take kindly to your type round these parts. Now go on, git! Scram! Skiddadle! Be sure to check out our menu below and tell your friends so they can git out too!

A BRILLIANT MENU

At Goulden Girls Cafe, we pride ourselves on there always being food and drinks available.
​This is because we are a restaurant and selling food and drinks is how we make money.

COCKTAILS

Olde Fashioned 19
1.5 oz bourbon or rye with 2 oz maple syrup

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Margarita del Taco 13
well tequila, a hingle of salt, and a mccringleberry of lime

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Beer Market Price
See our Tap List for the latest brews for bros and suds for duds.

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DINNER (3-COURSE $79!)

Ensalada de Jicama
A Mexican tradition! Jicama with whatever loose fixins we have in the fridge, served in a sombrero

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Shrimp Cocktail
Oxymoron alert! Eat Jumbo Shrimp while watching The Big Short. It's the only thing that runs on our TVs

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The Wimpy
You'll gladly pay today for a hamburger also today. Served on bread with burger toppings. No substitutions.

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RESERVE

SKIP THE LINE

How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man? We don't take reservations. Show up. Sit down. Try to make it out alive.
 You will be redirected nowhere, there's nothing. Stare into the void.

​LOCAL

FARMED FRESH

All of the ingredients used at Goulden Girls cafe are certified edible. The human body is a miracle and can digest an incredible array of items. There's one guy who ate a bike once. It was on TV, look it up. You won't get to eat a bike at Goulden Girls Cafe. Unless you special order it like waaaay in advance. You can eat a chicken though. And tomatoes and lemons and cucumbers and like a yellower orange and Bruce Vilanch.

CATERING

CATER TO THE MULTITUDES

Order our catering! I dare you.
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